SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
A FILIPINO CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One is reserved for the wedding of your son
The other one you give as bribe to your politician.
130 Kommentare:
Not unless you have a Cebuano corporation. Then it's two pigs. A male and a female. You have the male breed the female until she gets pregnant.
Then you slaughter the male and make lechon.
lolz! ^__^
ha...ha...ha the clever, entrepreneurial Cebuanos! No wonder it's called Cebooom....
you're not a Cebuana, Linsi, are you?
ha ha haaa,
LOL, I liked the Enron best.
Surrealism? Sounds like the Scandinavian nanny states to me.
When I reported in as unemployed right after my graduation from Uni, I was asked: "Do you have a driver's license for fork-lift trucks?" Reply: "No - but I have a master's certificate for galleys with up to 80 oars." "WHAT??" "Well, at least that would have a slight connection to my Latin bachelor degree. Are you guys nuts?"
I got a job a month later - without their help.
That's my style. Lol.
Then you should add one about Scandi corpo, Ulla! I wonder what would a Dane do with their two cows?
I like the French one! hohohoho...
How about the Dutch cows?
A Dane saves money and buy two cows. 5 minutes later, some official arrives, telling him that he has to rebuild his barn since it's not up to government standard. He has to sell one cow in order to afford that. The local dairy plant won't buy his milk because they get it 2 cents cheaper from someone owning 150 cows 300 km away. He may drink his own cow's milk, but he's taxed according to what he could have sold it for. So he gives his cow away to a children's "village" and gets unemployment compensation.
Okay?
Ha ha ha. Thats more like it. :-)
The tragedy is that it's true. If your old mother occupies a room with kitchen and bathroom in your house and pays no rent, you must pay tax of the rent you aren't getting, and the tax department decides what the rent should be.
If your mom rents an apartment elsewhere, the municipality pays 2/3 of her rent if she's retired. I wonder what that economical model is called. I know what I would call it.
I forgot to mention that mom living with you is taxed too - free accommodation is an income.
Oh, I never encountered this before, not even in Germany.
Most probably the mom is not getting any income that is why she is staying with the son, so where would she get money to pay for the tax (a question to the tax makers)?
A weird economic model...
Nobody gets NO money in Denmark - except housewives with husbands above a certain income level. Mom would at the very least get "the people's pension" if she's 67 or more. For younger people, there are other arrangements - and people who have worked have usually paid to a pension insurance all their lives.
No, she would be living there so that she wouldn't be lonely, and in order to get the daily help she needs from those who love her.
Now I got it.
But how about the son? Would it be more fair to give him a tax break instead of taxing him for giving the needed help to his mom?
YES!!!! He saves the municipality the 2/3 of her rent elsewhere plus a publicly employed "home helper" if she's sufficiently weakened by age, not to mention that elderly people would be happier. If they can take of grandchildren, they save the public money for kindergartens, and children will be happier.
The system is insane. "Person helps person" is made impossible, everything has to be done by the system for tax money.
Unemployed people are not allowed to do voluntary work, by the way. The salary they aren't getting will be deducted from their unemployment compensation, calculated per hour.
That is like discouraging the unemployed from doing productive work. Insane it is...
You don't say. :-)
I got this sometime ago..eto ang Nonaism:
I have two cows..
I slaughter them..
keep in the freezer..
invite friends for a party..:)
thanks I do love this..
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
Mafia want one of your cow
you say : i don't know where they are
Mafia find one of them in a italian restaurant in Germany , kill the restaurant ower and stole the cow .
Mafia ask you money because found cow you lost
Mafia take your money and your cow
You decide to have lunch .
LLLLOL!
LOL, but here's more.... You decide to have lunch and debate with yuor friends what to do next until the wee hours of the morning :-)
sounds like bureaucracy with capital B.
Ah, But Ulla and Bong, before you got carried out with your discussion, take note that the Danish economy is flourishing much more than the big Euro economies. So they couldn't be that laggards, are they?
ha...ha...ha... invite me, too, Nona!
Danish behaviour patterns aren't governed by the economical system, but by Puritan work ethics. Not working is extremely disrespected. Even working without getting paid, as e.g. a mother with 4 children, is disrespected - she is "not contributing to the Society (read: God)".
Not straight after lunch, man - the siesta is SACRED.
Lol anyway.
what do you say to this, Francesco! LOL
ah, the Calvinist credo: Work is in itself prayer. But please only those paid...
ah, Tina, between the two of us you're the Dutch. So you should be the one telling me. But why not ask Tim?
Dutch:
You have two cows.
You hire a Filipino (for instance) to keep an eye on them and wash them as soon as they aren't immaculate.
Singapore:
You have two cows.*
You put them in a building and sell tickets - it's the only ones the Singaporeans have ever seen.
You still need the Filipino to keep them clean.
*Heifers, that is. You don't know about that milk thing anyway.
Difference: the Dutch give the Filipino a decent salary. In Singapore, he sleeps with the cows and eats worse.
i reply , yes siesta is sacred but nothing is more sacre than a national footbaal match , expecially if it is against France :-)) :-))
So , after the lunch , speaking with friends about what to do , and about football , if there is not a football match in tv , you get siesta :-p :-p
PS : Anyway we have nothign against Francois , they are our dear loved cousins !
Why cousins ?
Because a cousin is not a Brother :-p :-p
Ha ha ha. I really like the way this discussion runs.
Alternative Indian:
You have two cows.
They wander about in the streets, and one is killed by a drunk driver.
You yell for your neighbors who come and lynch the driver.
The other cow gets scared by the smell of blood and runs away.
You decide to wait and see if it comes back tomorrow.
It doesn't.
You and your neighbors smash up the liquor store, or a mosque, or - well, whatever. It's all somebody else's **** fault!
How about the Philippines, Bong?
Ciao, I got this one light years ahead of multiply...thanks for the revival....btw, i invite you to click new postings http://pinayskaleidoscope.blogspot.com
Hindi nga, i am from the tagalog region--although i wish to see Cebu nowadays because of its booming economy-
hm.. ikaw pala obviouly ang taga Cebu napunta sa Cebu yung usapan lolz!
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
I love to do that but.... unfortunately, I have neither cows or giraffes, Jack!
Hahaha! L.A.ism:
You have two cows.
You sell one so you can get a breast augmentation.
Then you sell the other one yet again when you see that your neighbor has got bigger cup size. ;O)
Funny one, Jack!
I loved that Ulla.
I thought they`re planning to get third one from Surinam.
ha...ha... that only shows how old you are, ML! But to be fair, the first version of this I saw first when I was freshman taking up polscie.(I won't tell you when was that though). It was from a poster I think from CAFOD in London. This updated version was some kind of dejavu ...
Yehey, viva la dolce vita Carla Bruni et tu Sarko!
How sad but true...
you can paint two of them Kylie! One you sell in your Gallery and the other give it to me! LOL
Yes, Jenny, but don't forget the milk. You mixed it with some honey, but no you don't drink it. They're for your beauty bath, di ba?
Yes, Bong, now with all these new entries coming out from Ulla, Francesco, and Jenny, our Pinoy entry sounds now sooo tame! Formulate a new one quick.
Actually, I had hoped you are gonna rescue me from this :-)
Come on, Bong - you're tagged!
USA CORPORATION in GLOBALISATED ERA
you have two cows:
you need a hands-worker who take care of your cows
Pay a worker is very expensive in usa so you decide to open a subsidiary company in indonesia where labor cost is law .
you pay 2 dollar a day for your farmer-worker
Indonesia economy grow and also cost of live , now you have to pay 4 dollars a day for your farmer worker .
you are very sad
you call Bush
Bush call CIA
CIA help indonesia extreme rigth part to win election .
Syndicate leaders of indonesia go in Jail
Now you pay 1 dollar a day for your indonesian farmer worker
Buy a bull and 10 new cows and in 2 years you have 100 cows and 50 workers .
You receive award by Indonesian Gov !
Brilliant, Francesco!
Er - 90 calves in 2 years?? Ah - hormone treatment; all the cows have triplets or more. hehe.
LOL, you wait Fracesco until Naomy would read this! LOL
I'll pass it to Dave :-)
thanks Ulla :-p
but of course mine is only a fantasy :-)) :-p ! ohh yes !
absolutely ,of course ,sure as hell ,no dubs about
Globalisation is a manner for Help people of third world
Oh yes , absolutely ,of course ,sure as hell ,no dubs about
also in the last G8 they said it .
Multinationals wants only help , for that reason go abroud , for help
OMG we are so , so generous ! :-)) :_)) :-))
Okay, Bong, let me try but I'm not sure if this would pass the bar set by Ulla et al. Here it goes:
You have two cows.
The first cow was given by the first woman president to the church who promptly sold it and the proceeds went to Vatican.
The second cow was inherited by the second woman president who gifted it to her husband who promptly sold it and gave the proceeds to his concubines. First Gentleman explained he needed to buy the votes of his concubines and their families for his wife to remain in office.
Now rate it good, bad, mediocre? Whatever, but at least, I should get an A for effort! LOL
who is Naomy ? :-p
She's my multiply buddy who is an Indonesian studying her in Germany. But don't worry she's very nice like all my contacts are, Francesco :p
Good, Jack - especially the ending. Perhaps not exactly general, though. Or is there something I don't know about female presidents?
Lol.
thanks, Ulla! I hesitated at first because I'm sure my feminist readers would take umbrage. But, heck, this is only for fun :-p
Oh , well , i think not problem about it as
the most agry with indonesian gov are indonesians
the most angry with philipines gov are pinoy
and the same for 90 per cent of countries i think .
Anyway i wrote indonesia just as example , but i could write many countries .
Also about globalisated company and multinationals ...not only USa companies get profit by third world countries , but also europeans and all countries of first world .
Well, my country had already two women presidents, and so far, our experience is not good :-( The first one was totally controlled by the church and the landlords, the second one by his husband who people said is more corrupt than the deposed dictator. Both women started office with a lot of goodwill. Both of them would leave in disgrace. Pity, pity...
Yeah, I know that, more or less (not the part about the husband). I was thinking if they had a habit of confiscating people's property.
ha...ha..ha... I like your left-leaning politics, Francesco! More like Dario Fo's than Romano Prodi's, LOL
Habit??? It becomes their way of life the moment they're on top. Well, to be fair our male presidents were more or less the same. Fazit: it's not really the gender.
Maybe not, but the part about the concubines made it funnier.
yes, for Filipinos humour is antidote to tragedy. When I went home last August I was greeted with all those political jokes, lampooning the first family. I think we're like Italians in this way. Hey, what do you say to this, Francesco!
:-d I don't know if Dario Fo' could be glad about it :-p
Anyway i think Prodi is a good man .
But in Italy we have the same problem than in Philipine
there is too corruption , and a good president is not sufficent if there is corruption everywhere :-p
Also the most honest leader can do nothing without help of a good governing board with good dirigents , good officers etc etc .
So in the case of Italy and maybe also in the case of philipine there is not only a politic problem but a cultural one :-p
How about a historical one?
Athens, 4th century b.c.e.
You have two cows.
Demagogue accuses you of having bought them for Macedonian gold.
You are ostracized, cows now belong to state.
Demagogue poisons one cow.
Demagogue offers in brilliant public speech to buy the other cow for half its value so that the state won't suffer further loss.
Demagogue gets the cow and buys a bull for Persian gold.
Five years later, the biggest enterprise in Athens is Demagogue Dairy.
I also think he is, I should have written there instead Berluscuni, no? But, yes, cultural problems. Both our countries are catholics, remember?
LOOL
I think the only way to escape of this situation is make our sons think about corruption as a tabu' .
Until the day anciant rome follow the merit system , and any form of corruption considerated a high treason , it work well , then when sense of honour and loyalty end , corruption and division made Rome empire weak , after that , the collapse.
there is not corrispondece between catholic and corruption .
it is true 90 per cent of catholic countries are corrupeted and not efficent ( but austria , is an exception ) )
but most part of not efficent and corrupted countries in the worlds are not catholic , all africa continent , all asia continent ( philipine is a catholic but it is the only one in asia )
vietnam , cambodia ...indonesia , bangladesh , india ,pakistan ....and many many others :-p :-p
Okay, I'll try:
Rome, 1st BC
You have two cows.
One is reserved for Cesar,
The other one for God.
But Cesar wanted both.
You hid your cows underground
and wait until another emperor replaced him.
One day, you slaughtered one cow and served the mother of the new emperor a hamburger. She was delighted, and, voila, she became a Christian :-P
oh, my, you're right, there! Now let's tend to our cows, they seem to be going everywhere! LOL
That's all from me for tonight, friends. Thank you very much for this very witty dialogue. I hope to see you again in mine or your blog, tomorrow or some other day. A pity that I don't have much time this year to join you in Multiply, but rest assured, I'll visit you from time to time....
And when the emperor heard that, ALL the lions had enough to eat - but not hamburgers.
funny!
AAh jack, i like what Ulla said about Dutch cows.
More on.
The Dutch invite Gastarbeiders to take care of the cows.
They can practice their religion but not wearing burka in front of the cow. haha.
thanks, Jeng!
LOL ah, Ulla, you're really good at it!
Ha? I thought the Dutch are the most tolerant and liberal people on earth, Tina...
yes indeed,.. but not the party of Wilders.
Hes now busy making a film againts moslims.,since its freedom of expression no matter what will be the consequences .
Abangan ang susunod na riot or baka naman he get a lot of embraces and hugs from moslim parliamentarians,.para iba naman ang approach.
hi sir jack, im jean's friend from the civil society in davao, can i share this in my site or copy it, this could be a good start for economic input... and the exchanges are even better, funnier and more informative... it's like a lesson on world culture in one sitting ... LOL
go ahead, Shaira! I don't have the copyright of this piece, you know. I think it came to this version after so many readers added, deleted, edited it and made it their own. Just what this blog and its readers did. Give my hugs to Jean, btw, :-)
Heillo Jack! Happy New Year diay oy. It's a Firday so I have time to spare for Multiply. He he he!! The usual TGIF feeling. How's Ruth and the kids? Regards from Ate Bebing, Indai and Cora. Ingat --
they're doing great, Jean! Thank you. Martin is now in the 8th grade in a Gymnasium (mora'g HS sa ato pa) and Anna will join him there this Sept. Give back my regards to all our friends... If they only have Multiply accounts, it would be more easy to track them down, di ba?
Rome 56 BC
you have 2 cows
you would like take those 2 cows for you but it is a hard time .
Caesar need contribute of every patriotic roman because
It's time of Gallic war .
you are a patriotic roman citizen so You go to Roman senate and offer one of your cows .
but senators want your cows both .
You ask ,why ?
Senators reply : Caesar need your cows for persuade two Gauls to let roman legion pass the river .
You reply again : how is possible two Gauls make in trouble a roman legion ?
senators : "We don't know , we only know their name :
Asterix and Obelix " :-p
maybe something is changed after dead of Theo van Gogh :-p
He...he...he... (btw, i just watched the film A&O at the Olympics, with Gerard Depardieu (as Obelix) and Alain Delon (as Julius Caesar) but what a lousy film it was :-()
You have a point there, my friend. Holland was no the same anymore after the killing of Theo VG. But back to our 2 cows, how about this?:
Franco-Italian Corporation:
You have 2 cows.
One you give to Nicolas Sarkozy
And the other one to Carla Bruni.
i cant' help but reply... yes the movie was really awful.. especially because Asterix comics are my favorite! i tried to collect the comic books but they really are expensive so i borrowed hehehe
ohhh that is terrible , if movie go bad it will be a disaster also because production of that movie was very very expensive .
Anyway thanks for the advice , i will not go to the cinema but i will wait it will go in Tv . it is dangerous make a new movie about a so popular cartoon , as you must show a hight quality at the same level of cartoon prestige , reputation :-p
hey this is a very lucky year for Carla Bruni ...after made Bingo getting marry Sarkozy now she got also one of our cows ...:-p:-p
ola, Francesco! yes... lucky year for Carla and you know what I'm looking forward to buy her records, too! LOL
Thanks for making the cartoon smaller, Shaira! Now my old lay-out is back... About the A&O film, I watched it for the love of my kids who "forced" me to go with them. They enjoyed it though... which is already okey for me.
hehehe she could think she is a good singer :-p :-p :-))
Is she bad? I was only actually teasing you. I haven't heard her sing but the German press are describing her as singer/supermodel... Ok they're saying she's the next Maria Callas but they say she can carry a tune or two...
well ... she is not so bad , she has her personal style ...and we can say " de gustibus non disputandum est " and as not professionist singer she play and sing well ...:-p
I have a post about her in my page
http://francescomi.multiply.com/music/item/3252
Shall I give it a try?
You have two cows. You make one the president. He sells the other cow to the Russian to buy weap...mmm ..support. The support disappears mysteriously. The people run out of milk. The president decides to milk women and journalists.
Pakistan:
You have two cows but that is not the issue. The issue is whether they are Sunnies or Shias!
Taliban:
You have two cows. What a shame! They are naked. You skin one to make decent clothes for the other. It should be milked by women only!
thanks for joining the discussion, brave girl!
oh, but this can also apply to Iraq, right?
LOL or you have two cows: one you let produce real milk for the international community to believe it is really a milking cow. The other you let produce... poppies :-P
I am not brave. The discussion was so interesting that I could't help it. :)
Right or to some other places as well.
after more than two months, this blog is still getting comments.... just goes to show IT IS A very GOOD one... also comments adds more culture into the picture... congratulations jack..
ha ha ha :))
maybe the topic hits a nerve for many, Sha!
...women and jornalist agree with president in public as they want live quiet and degree at home with friends and familiares :-p:-p tipical of that I gov about , of course , we don't mention the name :-p:-p.-p
ah, but that's self-censorship, mi amigo :-P
Thanks for your concern :)
but self-censorchip is justificated when ther is risk of reprisal :-p:-p :-p
just like in berluscuni's time, you mean, Francesco? :-P Btw, nice to hear again from you, budd!
OMG don't remember me about Berlusconi , that nightmare is not finished still ...there are the serious risk he will back again as prime minister ....OMG
he will be the next PM and that's for sure. You better start migrating with your cows here in Germany, Fracesco, LOL
..and the Lols continues here ha ha.
And here I thought the USA was "tax happy". UGH! I am now very happy that I am not in Denmark!
VEGETARIAN lunch!
America: You lay one off, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then you buy your milk from China!
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead, and why nobody is stimulating your economy.
Yes , But Germany is too close to italy , not sufficent far .
Maybe it's better Japan , Philipines or Indonesia :-p:-p:-p
:-p:-p
this was also circulated here in the office in nepal...with a nepali version going around, we ended going to a steak house a couple of days later in beef-scarce kathmandu...but i have deleted them all including the dutch version from mang paul himself.
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